Queries Sent. Freaking the FUCK out.

Where's your God now?

You know, a part of me honestly thought that it would be easier this time around. Surely, those wild emotional swings we felt the last time we queried must have been because it was our first time, right? This time, surely it wouldn't feel like the worst roller-coaster in the world, right? This time, we'll be more used to it, right? Right?

WRONG. So, very, very wrong.

Monday

Queries are sent.

Promptly freak the FUCK out.

As soon as that last email goes out, we immediately begin questioning every decision we made, every single edit, every single line. Is it actually good enough? Are we actually ready? What if we're not? What if after 9 months of editing, we still get a wall of rejections? What if we're right back to where we started? Queue a night of sleepless self doubt/loathing.

Tuesday

No responses yet. Check email obsessively, with every single refresh prompting a mini-heart attack.

Down twelve cokes at work, realize that this is just making the mini-heart attacks worse. Spend rest of the day trying not to die from adrenaline overdose.

Wednesday

First response! Mini-heart attack threatens to morph into regular heart attack as we open the email. And it's...a rejection! Self doubt/loathing goes from back-of-the-mind gnawing into full-on mindfuck. It's happening again! Just like last time! All aboard the failure train!

Thursday

Spend most of the day in existential crisis. Watch Team Canada compete in the Olympics. Watch Team Canada fail at the Olympics. Begin to sense a pattern emerging.

It's okay, guys. At least we still have socialized health care.

Friday

Second response! And it's...a request.

Wait, what?

A request? A request for a FULL? Did they hit the wrong button? Did they send this to the wrong person? Is this for real?

Check the email we sent her. It was a query, and the first chapter. The first chapter that nobody liked last time and we edited the crap out of. So does this mean they read the query, AND the first chapter, and DIDN'T immediately vomit in disgust?

Write out quick response and send off manuscript. And then...realize that we just sent off our manuscript. No more practice rounds, no more query contests, no more first page shooters. Realize that for the first time ever, our entire manuscript that we've been working on for two years now is actually being read by a real, live agent.

Promptly freak the FUCK out.

So how about you? What goes through your mind when you query?